When you are in a relationship, you want to know that your partner is happy and feeling the same way that you are. Things may not feel right though, which may have you looking for signs he or she is giving up on you and your relationship. We will discuss some of those signs, some possible reasons for happening, and then afterwards discuss trying to help and improve the relationship.
They do not make time for you anymore. Spending time together is such an important thing in a relationship. That time can be in person or having phone or video chats if you are unable to be physically together. It is natural that as time goes on and life gets more complicated there is less time to spend together. However when your partner is no longer making the time or prioritizes other things, this feels very hurtful.
They are not doing things for you that they used to do. Relationships change as time passes, and as you settle into a routine little things change. If you feel that your partner is changing or not doing little things for you anymore, this may definitely be a sign that something is up.
They are short, grumpy, or mean to you. Everyone has a bad day now and again. When your partner is not being nice more often than not, that is not okay and is a sign that something is happening.
They do not say they love you anymore. As time passes in a relationship, many times those loving words are not said as often as they once were. This may be normal, or could be a sign of something more.
They hide their phone from you. There really is no reason for your partner to not want you to see their phone. If they will not show you or let you borrow the phone, quickly turn it off when you come near, or seem to have erased messages, that is not a coincidence and there is a reason for these actions.
They seem interested in other people. You go out and see them looking a little bit too long at other people. They seem to be flirty with others even though you are around. They follow many new people on social media and may even be commenting on their posts.
They go out without you more often. You want to spend a quiet night at home with your partner, but instead they go out with their friends and you are not invited. It is okay to go out with friends, but not if you do not have any quality time together or if it happens constantly.
Lying and making up excuses. Healthy relationships are based on truth, trust, and respect. If your partner is lying about things and it continues to happen, that is a very bad sign.
Not being where they said they will be. There really is no reason to lie to a partner about your whereabouts. As mentioned above, relationships should not be based on lies and untruths.
They shut down and will not communicate. You try to talk to them about their distance lately but they do not want to discuss it. They stare into space or say “uh huh” or “you’re right” without really involving themselves in the conversation. It is a bad sign when you try to connect with your partner but they are not interested.
Can it be something that can be helped?
It is possible that your partner is going through difficulties and is having a hard time dealing with them. Some people can disengage from their loved ones when they are unhappy or have problems.
Grief or loss – Death of a loved one is a devastating experience. If your partner is acting differently towards you, consider whether they have had a loss. This loss does not even need to be recent. Sometimes people are grieving long after what the world sees as “normal”, but grief is a personal experience that takes time.
Difficulties after becoming a parent or stepparent – Children change your life in ways you do not even understand until you experience it. If a new baby has arrived, postpartum depression can be a huge reason your partner is pulling away from you. If one or both of you have children from a previous relationship, stress from the kids or a high conflict parent can also be difficult.
Dissatisfaction with certain things such as jobs or family relationships – A horrible job can affect every facet of life. Dreading going into work is such a terrible feeling. The stress you feel will affect your relationship and the way your partner acts. Another possibility is problems with family members that cause issues or are high drama. Sometimes you love your family but they are not good for your mental wellbeing.
Life changes – A few examples of big life changes are moving to a new city. People get set in their ways and moving can be very overwhelming. If it was a far off move, that can be even worse if there are big differences between where they previously lived and where they moved.
Money problems – Dealing with money can be a huge problem in relationships. Not having enough money is a horrible feeling and your partner may be depressed. Another big issue may happen if one partner is a spender and the other a saver. At the beginning of a relationship this may not feel like a problem, but as time goes on these different spending philosophies can cause huge issues.
You are not treating them right – This is a hard possibility to consider, but maybe you are too overbearing, mean, or not making them feel special. Perhaps you have some issues you are working through, and are taking your anger out on your partner. Having a connection with your partner is so important, but if you are not treating them the right way they may not want to put in the effort.
What can you try to do to help?
Try therapy – Communication is key in any relationship, so trying to improve this is extremely important. Therapy can be a great way to work through issues. Both personal therapy sessions and couples therapy can be so beneficial. Your spouse may even feel happy to be able to fully open up and express their feelings to a person that is not involved in the situation. It can be very lonely keeping thoughts and feelings inside.
Try to connect – Doing fun things together or taking interest in their hobbies may be a great way to connect with your partner. Even if you do not like the things they do, just listening to them talk about it or being supportive of them going to do their hobby can make you both feel more connected and happy.
Think about any ways you can improve yourself – As discussed earlier, you may be unknowingly making your partner uncomfortable with your attitude or the way you treat them. Working on any issues like this may be very helpful for your relationship.
It is difficult when you feel that your relationship is falling apart. When your partner is no longer treating you the way you deserve, you need to be honest with yourself. Every relationship is different and there is no one size fits all solution. Both members of the relationship need to be dedicated to improving and reconnecting. If only one of you wants this, things will never improve and most likely just get worse.
However if you are able to communicate effectively with your partner about working on your relationship, things can definitely improve with hard work. Do not feel like you are alone because every relationship has its ups and downs.
