Every marriage is a partnership. You expect that your spouse will be an equal member of the relationship. Sometimes this does not happen though, and it is very upsetting when you feel that your wife is lazy and unmotivated.
Something important to consider is why do you feel this way? Is your wife actually unmotivated or are other things going on that you do not realize? If she is sitting around the house all day watching TV and playing with her phone, or going out every day shopping and dining out then yes something is definitely not okay. However if she is going to college, running a business, working, raising the children, caring for the pets, cleaning the house, etc then you may need to change your own perspective.
Raising the Kids and Scaling Back Her Career
Raising children and taking care of the house are difficult jobs. It may sound easy compared to having a 9 – 5 job. However, that is very wrong. There are always chores to do, things to do for the kids, taking care of the pets, not to mention helping to take care of you!
These duties have no off time and your wife will probably feel overwhelmed from time to time. Having a spouse that is not supportive and understanding of the work she does will be even more stressful.
Your wife may have given up her career so you could continue on with yours. You may have moved to a new area that is better for your career and made hers stall. As we discuss next, not having her long time support system will be difficult.
Changing of your Family and Support System
Consider that your wife may be depressed or upset which may be affecting her motivation and what appears to be laziness. Many things happen as we age. Our parents begin to need help and medical issues will occur. Family members and the support system of your youth may live far away. Friends that we are close to start becoming distant due to their own busy lives.
If you have considered all outside factors and still feel that your wife is lazy and unmotivated, something needs to change. Talk to her and try to see how you can help her. She may feel she does not have enough time. She may think that she is too old or set in her ways. She may worry how you and the family will be affected. She may worry about what other people think.
Consider that your expectations for your wife may not be what she wants. You may want her to bring more income to the household or go back to college. If she does not want the same things, there will be conflict. Communication is key so you both can figure out what is the best for your family.
Relationships can change as the years pass. Sometimes what worked when you were younger will not make you happy as you age. Before making any drastic changes, you should definitely talk with your spouse. Maybe she is just as unhappy as you are and with time you can work on the relationship. As always, couples therapy may be helpful to get you and your spouse back on track.
Cheers