Finding out that your husband has cheated on you is devastating. Remember that all affairs are not physical. Emotional affairs are just as serious as physical ones. When your husband admits that he is in love with the other woman, it adds another layer to the puzzle. You will wonder if you can or should stay together, whether you can ever trust him again, how you will be financially affected, how the children will be affected, and so much more. A once trusted spouse can feel like an uncaring stranger in the blink of an eye.
Sometimes your husband will want a divorce so he can pursue a relationship with the other woman. However in your case, your husband has announced that he does not intend to leave you and wants to stay together. You will wonder if he is remorseful, whether he has stopped seeing the other woman or plans to continue on, and why he even wants to stay.
This will lead you to wonder: If my husband is in love with another woman but wants to stay with me, what should I do? There are many different ways to handle this horrible situation. It will not be pleasant no matter which path you choose. In the end though, the goal is to end up as happy and healthy as possible while treating yourself kindly.
Possible Reasons He Would Stay Even Though He Loves Someone Else
Financial Reasons
It can be hard to admit but sometimes we all do things we do not want to do because it will be easier financially. Most people want to be in a relationship with the person they love. If being with them will be a huge financial burden, getting a divorce does not sound so great anymore.
Breaking up with your spouse means money spent on lawyers, losing assets and retirement accounts, and possibly moving out of the house or having to sell it due to splitting equity. This financial hit may be a reason why your spouse wants to stay with you.
Staying For The Children
How many times have you heard a friend or family member say that they are unhappy in their relationship but are trying to stick it out for the kids? Think about the reaction you had when they told you this. It may have been a negative reaction, thinking about how growing up with fighting parents is not healthy for children. You also may have thought that it was a selfless thing for the parents to put their children before their own needs. Now that you are in this position you may have all kinds of different thoughts about the matter.
Having the children split time between houses, dealing with a custody battle, and having less time with them is exhausting, frustrating, and upsetting.
She Is Also In A Relationship
It is possible that your husband does want to divorce and be with this woman, but she does not. She may have financial reasons or children of her own to think about too.
This can be an extremely complicated situation. He may still be pining for his affair partner and hoping that she will agree to divorce so she can be with him. This will make you feel unsure of your future and stability when you know your spouse may leave you.
How Should You Handle This Situation?
Taking time to consider your options is a very good idea. You will need to process that your partner allowed themself to fall in love with another woman and possibly broke your marriage vows in the meantime. Some people can never get over that and will divorce while others may be able to salvage the marriage.
It is difficult to think about staying with your husband when he loves another woman. If you do decide to stay with him for the children, make sure to take care of yourself. It is also difficult to think about divorcing. There will be back and forth in your head to deal with, plus opinions from friends and family members if you have told them your situation. It will be a long, hard road to navigate no matter what but you will eventually come out alright on the other end. This Psychology today article about affairs mentions that marriages can be salvageable but many people do opt for divorce.
Deciding to Divorce
There may be pushback from your husband if you want a divorce. Since he has already said that he intends to keep your marriage together, he may be angry and frustrated with you. Do not let this get you down though. You need to do what is best for you and any kids, pets, or situation that you have.
If you have been blindsided by your husband being in love with someone else, it can take time to figure out what you want to do. This is new information to you but he has had plenty of time to think about the situation. You are allowed time to consider all of your options. If at first you stay then decide to divorce, this is perfectly fine. Just make sure you do things on your own time.
Deciding to Stay Together
Staying together will most likely involve some conversations and agreements between you and your spouse. Will he cut off contact with his affair partner or does he plan to still stay with her? Are you okay with this scenario or will you insist that he cuts off contact with her and works on repairing your marriage?
It can be difficult regaining trust, so remember it will be a long difficult road. Repairing a marriage is very possible but takes hard work.
If your husband is in love with another woman but wants to stay with you, you have a hard decision on your hands. Therapy will be a great help whether you stay together or divorce. Keeping your self esteem high or improving it if you are not confident are important. No matter if you stay or go, self care is a crucial part of your well being in such a difficult time.
