Having a child is such an exciting step forward in your relationship. A responsible, caring partner makes the parenting experience so great and is what most women expect. However, it may happen that you feel that your husband is a disappointing father.
Maybe he doesn’t spend enough time taking care of your child, does not wake up at night to care for the baby, does not spend quality time with your child, or does not give you the emotional support you need.
Problems with your husband can happen at any age of your child’s life. It is completely possible that your husband is very present and helpful when you have a baby, but is not when your child grows older. Maybe your husband is not as helpful in the baby stage but once the kids are older is more involved.
The most important thing you can do is discuss the problem and difficulties happening. You and your husband need to be able to have these kinds of hard discussions. Having kids changes your whole relationship so it is normal to feel like things are different now.
Some Reasons You May Be Frustrated With Your Husband
He spends too much time on his hobbies
Parents need hobbies and time off. Everything should be done in moderation, and just like you need a break sometimes, your husband will also need a break. Going out with his friends, playing video games, exercising at the gym, playing sports, etc may be ways that your husband can get some down time. This is normal and necessary for his mental health.
However, his time away may become excessive to the point that he is not helping much with the kids or spending time with you. This is definitely not okay and needs to be addressed. Both parents should be involved with child care.
He does not help with home upkeep and other chores
It is a ridiculous amount of work to keep a household running smoothly. Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, yardwork, bills and budgeting, and vehicle maintenance are some necessary tasks. When children are involved, these tasks can seem to multiply exponentially.
Society sometimes makes it feel as though many of these tasks are women’s responsibilities. However a good husband will make sure that he does not let all of the work fall on your shoulders. If you are doing the majority of this work in addition to being the primary parent in charge of the kids, you will grow angry and resentful.
Something to consider is that if one parent stays home or works less hours, the one that works more will most likely have expectations of house work being done. Taking care of children is a huge task, so expecting that person to do everything is not usually realistic. This is another example of needing some communication about the issue.
He does not help or show interest in your child’s activities
Being there for a child is more than just physically being present to watch them or providing for them monetarily. Interacting with children is important to both their welfare and development. Helping kids with homework, attending school activities, sporting events and practices, playing with them, and showing interest in their activities are all so important. If your husband is not showing an interest in any of these things, you have a right to be upset and disappointed.
He is underemployed or underpaid causing money frustrations for the family
Nowadays it is likely that both parents need to work to make ends meet. Even with that being the case, many times fathers are still thought of as the main breadwinners. You may make more money than him, work longer hours, or be more career oriented than he is. If your husband is working hard and trying his best, you may need to think about why you are feeling disappointed in him.
However, if he is not working hard, not working much, or not living up to his career potential this can be an issue. You will feel that he does not care about you and your family which will feel upsetting and disappointing.
These are just some of the reasons that you think your husband may be a disappointing father. Every man is different so your situation will be also. Regardless, remember that it is overwhelming and exhausting being a parent for both of you. Your busy lives can cause problems with your communication. If you are upset, frustrated, or disappointed in your husband let him know. Holding in your emotions will never improve the problem.
It is also important to think of any issues your husband may have that interfere with his parenting. He may feel that his opinion doesn’t matter and you disapprove of the way he interacts with the children. He could be exhausted from working more hours and having less free time.
The main point is that both you and your husband may be having a tough time with raising the children. Coming together instead of butting heads is going to take some time and effort, but in the end it will be beneficial for both you and your kids. If discussing things does not help, visiting a therapist is always a great option.
