Dating is difficult when you have a child from a previous relationship. You have to consider your child’s wants and needs as well as your own. If you have a boyfriend that you want a future with, you want to make the relationship work. If your boyfriend gets annoyed with your son or daughter, you will feel concerned, frustrated, and angry.
Although it may be difficult, working through the root issues can greatly improve the relationship between all of you. It may take a lot of time and there probably will be setbacks along the way. There may be issues with your child’s other parent, untreated behavioral or medical issues with your child, communication problems, or so many other things to complicate the matter. With time and effort you may be able to have a much happier relationship between you, your boyfriend, and your kids.
Try to Understand His Point of View
It is possible that your boyfriend does not have any children of his own and has never dated someone that has kids. Being around a child often can be very draining. You will need to be patient and understanding as he navigates this new, complicated relationship.
Even if your boyfriend does have his own children, they may live with their mother the majority of the time so he does not see their “dark” side.
Think About Your Child’s Behavior and Personality
How does your child act? Maybe your kid is hyper, gets into trouble, acts up, is lazy, is talkative, clingy, etc. No child is perfect and yours is bound to have some qualities that can be annoying. Even you as the parent will be annoyed with them sometimes so of course your partner will be also.
Having a child around all the time is exhausting. This is not an excuse to be mean to a child, but getting annoyed and frustrated is a very common feeling.
Also consider the age of your child. When they start getting older, they will start pushing boundaries and may be more difficult. Your own relationship with your child will most likely be strained as well, so it makes sense that your boyfriend will feel this too.
Think About How You Handle Conflict
Your boyfriend has brought up an issue and you immediately defend your child. This is a very common issue in blended families. As a parent you feel that you have to defend your child all the time. However, think about how your boyfriend feels if you dismiss his thoughts and feelings. This is not good for your relationship and could be the beginning of the end.
If your boyfriend has been working hard to become a positive influence in your child’s life, this is something to appreciate. It is important to listen, validate his feelings, and figure out how to resolve the conflict.
Make Sure To Spend Child-Free Time Together
It is important to solidify the relationship together if you want to eventually be a happy family. If you and your boyfriend do not go on dates, go out with friends, or spend adult time together, you should start. Think of all the things you enjoyed before you became a parent and go out and do those things. It will be good for both you and your boyfriend to be able to talk about non-kid friendly topics, see other people, have some drinks, go to a nice dinner, go dancing, go to a concert, just do whatever makes you happy and helps you and your partner bond.
It can be difficult to trust someone to watch your child, whether it is a family member or a babysitter. At first you will probably worry, cry, and want to go back home. After making it a routine, you will see that your child is perfectly fine away from you for a few hours. It is even a good thing to have your child spend time with other people.
Take It Slow
Falling in love often means quickly imagining a future together: seeing each other often, moving in together, getting married, and having a child of your own. When one or both of you already has a child, it is not wise to rush into these things. Make sure that you both want the same things. Make sure that you can properly blend your families and that you discuss things like child rearing and what responsibilities he will have.
Having your child gain an attachment to someone only for them to disappear is very confusing and hurtful. You do not want them to have to go through that. It will also be hard on you after blending your lives together then realizing it is not going to work out.
It can take work to get your boyfriend and child to get along. As long as everyone is treated with kindness and respect, eventually things should get better. However, there are always going to be other factors that cannot be helped and may contribute to your relationship difficulties. Also, not all relationships will work out in the long term. All you can do is try your best to work on the relationships between you, your boyfriend, and your children.
